I Hate/Love This Sport

I just got back from by first ECU BJJ class in a while (my new work schedule had kept me away) and I have to say one thing:

I hate this sport.

I hate the agony of the physical exertion needed to go through the warm-ups. I hate the feeling of  sheer terror and uncertainty I feel when sailing through the air and not knowing how, where, or when I will land when being the victim of a properly executed throw. I hate the feeling of suffocation when underneath a smothering side mount. I hate the feeling of panic I get when I realize I can't breathe and have to tap or pass out.

But you know, after tapping out, I bounce up and I am ready to do it again. Maybe I enjoy the feeling of relief and rebirth that I get when the other guy gets off of me. Maybe I dig the look that the hard work and exercise gives to my body. Maybe I enjoy the near-post-orgiastic afterglow of a good long hard training session. Maybe I enjoy the testosterone rush that I get from the exertion. Maybe I like the challenge of seeing just how far I can push myself, how much I can learn, how well I can apply what I have learned in a fight. Maybe I enjoy the comraderie and support I get from my teammates. Maybe I just like feeling like a badass fighter when I walk down the street with my hood up, my gear bag in one hand and my Muscle Milk shaker cup in the other.

I love this sport.